A Millenium Road Trip
by NellySama
Summary: Summary inside the 1st Chapter. OOCNESS, and lots of It. is COMPLETE. Millenium makes me laugh. COMPLETE NO SEQUAL EVER ]
1. Speeding Vans

**A Millennium Road Trip.**

Ones-hot. OOCNESS!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Hellsing, or Millennium. Sigh.. It all belongs to crazy Kouta Hirano. WE LOVE YOU!

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Summary: Okay, Captain, Doc, Major and Schrödinger, are in a minivan in the middle of nowhere in America (for vacation, because I said so.)

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Pretty Pointless story, but still good.----

….

**-In the minivan.-**

**----**

**VROOOOM**! A tan/beige minivan sped down a deserted freeway, obviously going over the 50 mph speed limit. The driver (captain), drove in silence as Major urged him to go faster. Captain nodded and pressed on the gas pedal all the way down and reached 100 mph, making the van lurch forward, causing Major to be thrown back into his seat, Schro and Doc to be thrown into the backseat window with a smack.

"Mien Gott, MAJOR!" Doc shouted after situating himself to his seat in the middle of the Van. Major turned smiling, in the passengers seat. "Vat is it Dok?" Doc frowned. "Vat do you mean, 'Vat is it'! You know vat is wrong!"

Major blinked confusedly and pushed up his glasses. "No, I do not know vat is wrong."

Doc glared. "Never mind, Major." The crazy Nazi turned to his left, seeing that Schrö hadn't returned to his seat. "Hm..? Schrödinger? Where is he?" Doc turned and looked at the back window, with Schrö slammed into the window from the Van's high speeds.

"Schrödinger, vat are you doing? Get off the window!"

A non-understandable, but audible mumble came from the smashed Schrö, "Migh fhant fit moff fa mindow mime shmuck!" (I can't get off the window, I'm stuck!)

"Vat?"

"Mime shmuck!"( I'm Stuck!)

"Vat? I can't understand you, are you stuck or something?"

"MRRRR!" (grrrr!)

Schrödinger tried to push himself off, but he stayed stuck like a Garfield window ornament. Doc laughed at his misfortune then tapped Major on the shoulder. "Hey, mien Furhur, look at Schrö. And for the love of the Soup Nazi: SLOW DOWN THE CAR!"

Major glared at Doc. "Don't call me 'That' Doc!" He obviously hadn't heard the rest of what Doc had said. Doc sighed a 'sorry'. Major clapped, smiled, and patted Captain's shoulder, who drove at high speeds, in Silence.

"Captain, can this Van go any faster? If it can then go, go, go!"

Captain shook his head. Major frowned. "Fine then. Slow down, then speed up again."

Captain nodded and lifted his boot of the gas pedal until they were coasting a nice speed of 30 mph.

**PLOP**. Since they slowed down, Schrö was able to free himself from the winder, but was now in a pile on the car floor.

"Thank goodness we slowed down, I thought I'd be stuck there forever!" Schrö crawled back to his seat next to Doc, who began to laugh hysterically, pointing at Schrö's face. It was red from being stuck to the window.

"Ahahahahahaha! Schrö you look so funneh! But!" Doc stopped his laughter and pulled out his scalpel, making an enraged Schrö cower in fear. "You should've stayed stuck to the window, so I could pry your face from it."

Schrö shrieked and ducked as Doc swiped at him with the scalpel. Doc was giggling. Yes. Giggling. Major turned around to see what was going on. "Doc!"

"Yes?"

"Don't do that!"

Doc stopped jabbing at a terrified Schrö, who was now sitting on Major's lap.

"Why?"

"Because you almost stabbed me, and we don't need blood all over this Van. It's a rental!"

Doc gasped in sheer awe and horror and quickly put the scalpel away. "Wow… a Rental…"

"Yes."

"Awesome."

"Yes. I know." Major turned back facing the front, looking at Schrö. "What are you doing here Schrö?"

Schrödinger was curled up in a cat-like fashion on Major's lap. The cat-boy looked up at Major. "Uhh.. sitting on your lap?"

"Go back to your seat, please." Major shoved Schrö away to his seat, then turned to Captain with a glance at the Speedometer.

"Captain! Full speed ahead! FLOOR IT!"

Captain nodded and floored it as told.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!"

**SPLAT SPLAT.** Doc and Schrö hit the window.

And so the silly Nazi's went on their crazy road trip to Nowhere.

THE END.

SCHHHOOO? How did you like? Good bad? PLEASE REVIEW!


	2. Van needs gas, Yo

A Millennium Road Trip. Chapter 2!

Disclaimer: hmm nope. I don't own Hellsing or Millennium…what a bummer.

Here ya have it. Chapter 2!

Chapter 2- The Van Hath Died.

**VROOOM**!

After driving many miles down the road, the silly Nazi's were low on gas. Easily solved right? All they had to do was drive as far as the could to the nearest gas station and fill-up. Wrong. There wasn't a gas station anywhere near where they were, so they just decided to drive until the gas was gone and then they'd walk.

**Put-PUT- Put!**

The van sputtered it's last dying breaths, another choke, then it died. The four jumped out the Van and held a memorial service.

"Vee are gathered here to-day in memory of the Beige Rental Van." Major said. "Vee knew thee well."

Schro was bawling, with Doc patting his shoulder. "There, There. It's gunna be alright. The Van's in a better place now."

Schro sniffed and wiped his eyes, looking up at Doc with hope in his eyes. "R, really?"

Doc smiled and stretched out his arms towards the sky. "Yup. In Van Heaven!" Schro stopped being sad, turn and started walking down the road. Doc was very confused, so was Major, Captain was silent. The van needed gas.

"Vey! Schro vere are you going?" Major called after him. Schro waved and looked back at his commander.

"I'm going to find Van Heaven to see the Van!"

"VAT!" Doc and Major gasped, like Cat-Boy was crazy. Captain smirked.

"I'm kidding. I'm going to walk until I find a gas station, ok?"

Major and Doc ran over to Schro, leaving Captain behind. "Captain, vatch the Van. Dok and I vill go vith Schro."

2 miles away—

"Major! Schro! Wait-up!" Doc was straggling behind. Schro and Major stopped and waited for Doc to catch up. Schro snickered, poking doc in the shoulder.

"Dang you're slow!"

"Shut-up before I scalpel those ears of yours?"

Doc grabbed his scalpel and waved it in Schro's face. Major sighed in annoyance, but he would let the two duke it out, because now he didn't have to worry about getting blood all over the van.

"You! Wouldn't! DARE!" Schro covered his ears with his hands. "These define who I am!"

"What? Some cat-boy who wears shorts!"

"YES! Exactly! Besides! You're wearing a freaking belly shirt!"

"At least I look like a man!"

"What are you saying!"

Schro and Doc had stopped walking about a mile back, and Major could still hear them yelling, even if he plugged his ears. "Mien Gott! I swear next time they argue, I'll super glue their mouths shut! OH cheese. I better go get them…" So Major turned around and walked back to his Minions.

Schro had pounced on Doc's back, a Doc was swiping at him with the scalpel. Major twitched, stomped up to them.

"HEY YOU TWO CUT IT OUT!"

They didn't hear him because they were yelling at each other. Major could sort of tell what they were yelling, starting with Schro.

"How dare you call me a woman! I AM NOT!"

"Hell yes you are! Now hold still so I can cut off your ears!"

"NEVA!"

"Why? Because they define the woman in you?"

"That's WO-man to you Belly shirt!"

Major couldn't take anymore, he was beginning to wish that he'd stayed back with Captain.

"ARR! I can't take this anymore! You two cut it out or you' feel the wrath of Rip! Now both of you shut-up and let's go find a gas station!"

Doc and Schro (schro still on doc's back) stood in utter horror and silence. The scalpel and Schro fell on to the road as Major turned, started walking again, with the two silly Nazi's following way behind.

5 miles later ---

Schro quickly ran up to Major to apologize to him. "Hey, Fur—ER. I mean Major. Doc and I are really sorry about that earlier."

Doc appeared on the other side of Major. "Ves, Ve're wery sorry Major!"

"Hmm. Are you two hoping that I'll forgive you for annoying me?"

Both nodded.

"Okay! I have forgiven! So! Let's find a gas station then, shall we?"

Both nodded. "Yes sir!"

Major looked in his pockets, muttering.

"What is it, Major?" Schro asked carefully.

"I'm looking for a map. I could've sworn that is was in my pockets….WAIT! Doc had it last right? Then give it here." Major held out his hand, waiting patiently for Doc to hand over the map. He looked in his hand, and there was still nothing there. "Doc, the map please."

Doc gulped and shook his head. "I –uh. Don't have it."

Schro snickered, knowing that Doc would be in a lot of trouble soon. Major growled and pulled back his hand.

"Vere it is Dok?"

"Back at the Van…

**BOOOM!** anime face fault Schro fell over.

Major twitched.

"**WHA-W-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! WHAT DID YOU SAY!"**

Ugh my hands are tired. But hey here ya go! Mind you now.. there will be a chpt 3 but that will be the last, unless you give my lots of reviews. In your reviews please post any suggestions you might have for further chapters!

Aight, IYPT2 is outta here!


	3. The End

Here we have the 3 and maybe final chapter. The ending will suck eggs, but I can't really think of anything else, and I had written it right after I had written the second chapter on paper. X.X;

Well enough chitchat!

**Disclaimer**: I still don't own it!

A Millennium Road Trip.

Chapter Three.

Last time on a Millennium Road trip!

"Vere is it Dok?"

"Back at the Van."

**BOOManime face fault** Schro fell over.

Major twitched.

"W-W-WHAAAAAT? What did you say?"

Doc gulped and cowered in fear. "Ulp. N-nothing." Major glared at Doc, his fist in Doc's face.

"My butt you said nothing! Why did you leave the map in the van?"

"But! I didn't think we'd need it at all!"

"Why not?"

"Because, when I read the map it said that there wasn't a Gas Station for about 50,000 miles! It also said that it'd be pretty stupid to drive down this road because of that!"

Schro and Major twitched, turn around and started walking forward again, completely ignoring the Doc. He sighed and ran to catch up with them.

…

Back at the Van.

The captain stood in the shade of the Van, patiently waiting for the others to return and watching tumble weeds go by. They had been gone for about an hour now, and Captain new they'd probably be gone for days. Oh Well.

Captain suddenly looked to his left, down the road. He could hear a distant engine. It sounded like a big car. He waited and the engine got louder and louder until he could see a blue truck, and on top it was a sign that read:

"Fred's Mobile Gas Service"

for those whose beige van died.-

Isn't that convenient? Captain walked to the side of the road and waved his arm. The truck pulled over, and Captain could see a bald trucker, sitting in the drivers seat. Must be Fred, Captain thought as he watched Fred get out of the truck and walk over to the passenger door.

"Wit can Ah do fer ye?" Fred smiled. Yay! Business!

'Oh gawd, an accent.' Captain nodded and pointed to the Van. Fred looked over the tall guys shoulder and his eyes lit up. Ka-Ching!

"Ah see. The van out te gas?"

Captain rolled his eyes and nodded again. 'Now he's being stupid and copping an accent.'

The trucker nodded and the a gas hose from the side of the truck and began to fill up the Van. He turned to the Captain, and was about to start a conversation, but saw the guys bored face.

"A'right. She's filled up. It'll be aboot ten dollars! Thanks for yer service!"

The Trucker was unconscious by the time he held out his hand. Captain grabbed a chain thing from the Van and tied it to the truck, and drove off to find Doc, Schro, and Major.

Back on the Road….

…

Schro was being carried on Doc's back, and Major was marching happily.

"Ah! It reminds me of the hunt!" said Major. Schro blinked.

"The hunt?" he looked down at Doc. "I didn't know that Major was British."

"He's not. He was watching Fairly Odd parents the other day."

"Ah, I see. Simply brilliant!"

Major marched on, then stopped when all three of them heard the rumblings of two, not one, but two engines.

Doc let Schro down and the Beige Van pulled up with a gad tank truck on its tail. Schro squealed and jumped into the van, along with Doc. Major jumped in his seat and applauded Captain.

"Mien Gott! Captain you are the best! And you even got us a gas truck!"

And so. The four crazy and silly Nazi's were on the road again to nowhere.

The End.

…..

It's done! I would like to thank all my reviewers.

Omega Z

DarkHuntressNoyze

Sailor Water Dragon

and NightWarrior!

Thank you all so much! D. I have another story coming up, but it's not really funny. You'll have to read the first chapter and find out. And Maybe I'll continue you this…

Well, Ja ne!


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